ugh, i hate my mom. she is a bitch and thinks everything is about her. she also blames everything on everyone else when she very well knows it was her own damn fault. i am sooo pissed at her. she yells at me for everything. and she isnt respectful to my feelings and isnt a responsible parent either. i take care of my brother more than she does. ugh, going to clean, maybe itll help clear my mind.

hoping so....=/

have i been horny lately. i love the feeling i just wish sometimes there were an easier way to get rid of it:|

im in a very weird mood lately. i really dont know what i want or what i want to be doing. AND to top it all off i like a guy wayyyy to much and i cant like him, AT ALL!!! its a confusing time, i want to grow up.

Spring Break is coming up soon, I am really excited.

I  am going to Florida with my brother, grandpa, and grandma. We are staying at our aunt's. I can't wait till we go(March 30th)

:)

OMG!

My birthday is in 6 days, on st. patrick's day, and on the last day of my school trip to chicago.

I am really happy! 

I am really excited.

School trip, chicago in 4 days. I can't wait.

I gaze into your eyes, I smile at your smile. And I wonder, is this all true, is it really real? How can it be, no one has ever loved me as long, as hard, as good as you have. So how can you be true. You must be a fake, just a huge fake. Another liar, another cheater, another complainer and another BITCH. They have all been fakes. Are you? Or is it me? Maybe. Just maybe. Am I the one who is lying to myself saying you have to be another fake because all the others were. Another liar, another complainer, maybe not. No. I am gonna fess up. I'm the fake. I have been all along. I guess I was pretending to be someone I wanted to be but never ended up being. A doctor, teacher, nurse, engineer. No. I revovled my life around people that I thought were people like the ones I wanted to become, no, I surrounded myself with people like the ones I didn't want to become, but did.

Life is funny like that. You thought you were going to become one person and when you become the person your didn't want to be, you think Oh I'm right where I wanted to be and that others are way worse than you, when reality comes into play your just being a fake. Blocking yourself off from the real world. Your so ashamed of what you became and so you play it off like you turned out to be exactly what you wanted to be. Not true. FAKE.

I think in the end we are all fakes. It might not make sense but, don't we all lie, cheat, and complain at one point or another. Don't we all think we are better than someone else, whether we admit it or not, to ourselfs or others. Fakes. That's what we are.

Life is funny like that, isn't it? 

Everytime I look into your eyes I melt. I wait for the moment to see you again, to see your eyes. Waiting with you, being with you, staying with you. Love is cruel yet oh so kind. Love me now, Love me forever. Hear me loud and clear, I am melting, I am burning, I feel a sensation everytime. Your eyes, your oh so beautiful eyes. They're tearing me up inside. They make me go crazy with excitment and gaping holes of nerves all at once. There so powerful. Stay with me? Lay with me? Keep me close? Are they really everything they show? They have to be, they just do. Love me loving you. Love me loving everything you do. Love me for me.

 Again.

Again, again she drinks, again he fleds.

He(step dad) says he loves me and my brother so much but everytime she(mom) gets a little too hard to handle he fleds. I hate him for that because I have no dad of mine anymore, I was so much closer to him than my mom. She starts drinking again after a month or so (3-1-07). I can not handle it. I am 14 and lacking so much knowledge. I have lived with my grandma but because she is my moms mom I am not removing myself from the entire situation. I cry a lot and lately just for no reason. My life is going downhill and I am only 14. I hate this. My dad is gone, my mom is worthless to me(basically), my step dad is not much better than my mom, my grandma is awesome, I love her but it didn't remove me from the situation liek I said ealier, one of ym favorite uncles lives with my grandma and my other one has 4 kids of his own to handle(he'd take me if needed though, too much to ask for in my book though).  My aunt on ym dad's side doesn't live near here and I am not willing to move away from my church or friends. My uncle on ym dad's side doesn't live nearby either. I have other family members but they are either out of state, are not able to take care of me, or I just don't want to live with them. It's hard for me to say but of course I love my mom. I do not know what to do any more. I can't drive yet so I'm lost there. I am just lost period anymore. I don't know what to do and my friends aren't very i guess willing to talk aout this subject with me. I feel like I have know one anymore besides God. I need and have Him now and I hate saying this because I do believe in Him and love Him but I need someone here physically.

Needing love and support.

Rachel. 

Yes, I am excited. I get to see my best guy friend and my long time crush at his swim meet. I am also very excited because I haven't seen him in about a month or two. We go to separate schools and we met through my best friend Morgan, she goes to my church. I am so happy that we met, he is so sweet. I am a little nervous though because it is at HIS school so I'm not going to know anyone there besides Morgan and she'll probably end up talking to her other friends. I hope not a lot of people are there.

Advice on how to ease my nerves???

Greatly appreciative..

Rachel. 

I am 14, how do I know if I am straight for sure, just because that's the "normal" thing to be?

Also, parents and friends and everyone else's comments are so hurtful to your decision. You become shameful and afraid to come out, I mean if you do decide that you are gay or whatever.

Just my thoughts..what are yours?

How do you feel about gays? How would you react if your daughter or son became gay? What's your advice?

Confused about a lot....

How do you explain a best friend?

I explain a best friend where you can trust that person with whatever, if your gay(they're completely against it) and they don't judge you, where your parents are abusive, they care for you and don't say "I'm sorry but I don't like talking about "those" things" or "you talk about that all of the time".

You should also be able to tell her/him something without them getting mad especially if it's something small and insignificent(sp?) like " I'm not trying to be mean or rude but why do you add people you don't personally know on myspace?" It's stupid!

Can you ever really trust someone?

I think the only people I can trust with ANYTHING is people like you, people I meet online. That's because it's not like your gonna find my friends and tell them everything I tell you. That's not right, I should be able to trust my best friend, my family, everyone.

I am young and I am already gettiing restless.

   It doesn't make sense to me, why is everything so much harder, so much meaner, so much more, more...regretable?

I may not be talking the truth because of course I wasn't alive in the era I was talking about. School is way, way more harder than it used to be, I'm not really complaining about that though because I am very good at academics.  I am probably aiming my argument towards the more emotional things like bully's or abusive parents. So many times I have cried myself to sleep because of the hurtful things other kids can say and even my family. It's not right.

Not so much anymore, I think because we are older, but a lot of kids would make fun of my weight. Mostly guys. Well then, probably still now, BOYS. Just because most of them then and still now were smaller than most of the girls doesn't mean that they should make fun of the "bigger" kids. Most adults would probably say "Oh they like you, they're teasing you", well that's not true, it might have been but not anymore. And why do guys only look at the girls butt or stomach or boobs? There is way more to women than the physical features and yes I know that's important because women do it to. Yes I also know that's how you even relize that they might have a personality because if they have no looks then why in all hell would I even bother to see if they have a personality, right? WRONG!!!

Why is the teenage years the hardest? I know your finding out who you are and where you belong in the world but why does it have to be so hard and cruel to do that?

Troubled and lacking so much in the world...

UGHH! I am so sick. I have aches and pains all over, my head, my arms, my back, and my neck.

I am stuffed up, coughing, itchy eyes, ears, and face. I can't breathe and mt nose is running constantly. Sorry if it's TMI, but I am in so much pain.

Hopefully we do get the 10 inches called for and we get a snow day. I'm hoping, pray for me?!?

Thanks.

.::rach::.

Hi, it's me.

  I am babysitting, what a thrill! LOL :)

 Really though it gives me something to do on a friday night.

All of my friends are either busy or are being total BITCHES!

Friends suck sometimes, well back to the little baby girl i'm watching.

She is so cuteee, but really mychievious(sp?), she's crawling all over the place and being a total pain in my ass all at the same time!

 Her parents went out on the town, dancing, dinner, movie then to top it all off, a movie with some friends, how romantic!!!

I get all the food I want plus a comouter, tv, and a bed! HOW COOL! All of this, just for babysitting, really cool.

Well there she goes again, playing with God knows what.

(It took me a half an hour to write this, LOL :D)

<3 Peace .::rach::.

I am really bored right now and I'm not quite sure what I am feeling.

   I have homework, homework, homework to do tonight because I didn't go to school on Tuesday or Wednesday.

I also have a stupid ass room to clean, it sucks. I can't wait until I get my new room, yeh!

There is so much to be done but for some reason I always come back to this stupid computer, I love blogging and playing games and chating to my friends and new people but it gets so addictivre where I kinda forget about everything else and I don't even understand why it's so fucking addicting!

  I need to learn how to not be such a procratinater(sp?), everything I do gets put off till the last minute.

Homework, cleaning, and even dinner has been being put off.

 I need ideas on how to do a lot of things in a small amount of time, please!?

.::Rach::.

It's not a big deal but it seems like everyone on this website is over at least 22-23, is there anyone around 15?

Thank you to all of you that looked at my unsafe internet post.

You have all given me the all around same answer. It wasn't what I was looking for because I really like this guy but I am very young and all of you do have more experience so thank you for that. I knew the answer all along but I didn't want to believe it.

But just because of the knowledge you gave me doesn't mean he is a bad guy or a cheapo or a perv. I understand where all of you are coming from because thoses were my first thoughts too. 

It isn't very likely that we'd meet anyways, I'm too smart for that!  

Life is really horrible at times, you are torn by all things, homework, jobs, friends, family, deaths, GUYS, peers, and what everyone thinks of you. I hate that these are suppose to be your best years but at the same time they are the absolute worse.

dinner, t.v., bed.

too confused to think. 

missing you more than ever now.
so much i cant explain it.
more and more everyday, every second.
come to me with open arms
and never ever leave my side.
missing you more than ever now.
but it shouldnt be that way.

what keeps me motivated is knowing that i still have you.
you are my inspiration to do anyrhing and everything.
stay the way you are and ill always be happy on the outside.
come to me and never leave my side.
ill love you always and forever...<3

What is my purpose in life? I am sure a lot of people ask themselves that.

I believe in God and I believe that He has a plan for me and everyone else.

I guess why I ask this so many times is becasue I am not that pretty or "skinny" and I hate that everyone is labeled-fat, skinny, nerds, jocks, and goths. It is hurtful and really mean.

I have never gotten a boyfriend or really been appreciated for doing anything, maybe my good grades but I need more than that for my self-esteem.

My mom has also been emotionally abusive to me because she was an alcohalic, but she got help and has been sober for about 2 1/2 months- I'm happy. My dad was a recovering alcohalic also but a week in a half before Christmas in 2006, he shot himself. It was very hard on me, I was so close to him.

I'm smart and helpful and active in church(we volunteer a lot) but how is that going to give me the satisfaction of all of the opertunities in the world?..it'll help but it won't be enough.

Lifes really has it's disadvantages sometimes.

MUSIC!

music is so awesome! I love it.

 I listen to all kinds!

[my chemical romance-now]

 I've gone to chat rooms before and I've heard time and time again that they are not safe.

There are gross people out there, men and women. That may be true and I may be young but is it possible for there to be good in those chat rooms? I'm not sure.

 I've met the most wonderful guy ever. We met about 2 years ago and we talk every chance we get. He's never pressured me to do anything and if we disagreed then he didn't stop talking to me.He is 4 years older than me but that wouldn't make any difference when I'm older. 

He has a job that lets him travel all over the world, he asked me "Would you meet me if I came to Michigan?" I said, "I'm not sure."

 It is deffinetly not him, it's me, my peers, and the adults in my life and the world. They have all made it seem so horribly wrong to meet people online, it sucks!

I am so torn, should I meet him or no? Of course there's no deffinate answer whether if he'd be coming here and I wouldn't go meet him if I were younger than 16. It's a hard decision.

What do you think?

Hi, im new.

  I love to blog, it's a lot of fun, I don't do it often because I either forget about it or I don't know what to write.

  comment me, once I get some entrys of course. :)